In the Fight of My Life~

It has been a couple days, well maybe several days since I've sat down to blog........and let me say that things have been a little crazy and definitely busy!  I am not complaining because I have been blessed to work and do what I love to do!  When I started this blog I thought it would be a great way to share my heart, my passions, and my love for the people in my life, but most of all I wanted the freedom to be transparent and share my real life trials and triumphs with you!

God has chosen and allowed me to go on this amazing journey, a journey of which I have never been on before; and left to my choosing, I don't believe I would have chosen this path. 

I don't believe I was standing on the sideline jumping up and down saying, "pick me, pick me please!"  I just remembered saying, "YES!"  Yes God I trust you, Yes to your will, and Yes to your plan for my life!  I knew that by saying YES that I was coming into agreement with God and His plan for my life, but I didn't know the details!  I knew that based on my experience and relationship with my father that He had never failed me, never left me, and has always been true to His word!  I just never thought that this was in the plan!  "Like God, you thought that I could do this?!?!" That has been my silent thought on so many occasions, and He comes back with His quiet but loud response, "I Got You!"  Right after that is when I take a deep sigh, chuckle, shake my head and say, "Ok God!"

After being diagnosed with cancer in January 2012 and connecting with my Trainer (Oncologist), I realized that I was in the fight of my life!  The very first thing he said to me was, "those who have the greatest success and are able to beat this thing called "can"cer are those who are willing to fight!"  "He said you must have a fighter's mentality, and you must put on your boxing gloves!" Now I'm thinking to myself, "I've just been diagnosed with liver cancer and you're prescribing me boxing gloves and giving me a speech about a fighter's mentality."  It was kind of like the whole wax on wax off Mr. Miyagi thing!

 Little did I know that his words were the greatest dosage of medication that I could've been given, and that it would go beyond any radiation or chemotherapy treatment!  He was giving my tools to LIVE and WIN by!
Well after leaving his office I decided that I would put on my boxing gloves, lace up my shoes, and get in the ring to face my opponent and fight the good fight of faith!  On this journey I had to learn to pick up and hold on to my weapons of prayer, praise, worship, and the word.  These weapons have kept me rooted, grounded, and steady on my course, especially in the times and on the days that I've felt like I couldn't catch my breath!

As a matter of fact I had one of those days after my doctors appointment this past Monday!  On Thursday, June 20th I had a CT Scan to see how I was doing and my appointment on Monday was to go over my results.  My husband Keith, My sister Mitzi, My brother-in-law Ron, and My Pastor Delores sat down in the office and waited for my doctor to come in to discuss the results.  He began to read the details and after about 5 minutes in I could not control the tears that began to roll down my face, as he proceeded to tell me that the tumors were not shrinking but increasing! I felt this lump inside of my throat and before I could gain my composure it felt like all the strength left my body! No words, no ability to retain, not able to breathe! I couldn't believe this was happening to me! I'm usually always in good spirit, great strength, and ready to keep on fighting, but not this time!  Every thought began to take on its own course of direction and I could hear them all at the same time, "Lord how, why, what did I, when did it, where do I?!?!!" All of sudden I could feel! I could feel my very real situation, and I allowed myself to feel! I didn't run and hide behind my strong exterior, but I allowed myself to become present in the process!  It was at that point that I was reminded that my faith doesn't deny the situation, but it defies the situation!

At that point I could feel the room fill up with love.  I was surrounded by the support of my family, and my spirit-filled trainer (Oncologist) telling me, "this is man's report, but we choose to believe the report of the Lord."  I heard him, but I was still shaken!  It took everything in me to get up from the knock out punch! I knew if I could get to my corner and be refreshed that I could get back in the fight and come out swinging! Every voice around me was silenced and it was just me and God! The next morning I woke up thinking ok I can do this, but the tears were still there. I tried praying, I listened to the word, I began playing songs that would encourage me, but it wasn't until I was riding in the car with my spiritual father, Apostle Bennie Fluellen, that he said, "it really is going to be ok, and you're going to get through this," with tears yet again running down my face with no warning.  In my solitude and silent response Whitney Houston began to sing my heart's cry and prayer, "I Look To You!"

Thank you for allowing me to share my heart.............

 

****If the Heart of Worship Blog has blessed you, please feel free to share it with others on Facebook, Twitter, or Email, by clicking on the tab below! I would love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to post your comments, as well as become a subscriber  down below!****